CHAPTER 1

HOW TO REDUCE FRICTION AND PRESERVE LOVE

IT is said Professor Larkin thinks three-fourths of the married couples in the world hate each other, and that marriage ought to be forbidden by law! Somebody else says ninety per cent of married couples hate each other.

I don't believe it. I do believe that at least three- quarters of married folks love each other more than they guess. The proof is that they make unheard of sacrifices for each other when need arises; that they stick together when they could separate if they chose; last, but not least, that most of them never see other persons they would prefer to live with day in and day out, to their own wives or husbands with all their faults.

The truth of the matter as I see it is this: About ninety per cent of the husbands and wives who can't get along with each other couldn't get along with anybody else under similar conditions, for the reason that they can't or don't adjust themselves to each other.

The cause of this is the old notion which we are outgrowing, thank God, that marriage is bondage, ownership. Men think they own their wives, wives think they own their husbands. Each exercises his ownership by trying to make the other do the main part of the readjusting. Each instinctively resents and resists the encroachments of the other. And the result is — hell.

But even in hell love is.

Let somebody from outside encroach on both man and wife and see how quickly they will stand as the one they really want to be, and are at heart.

This reminds me of a story. A man dreamed he died and went to hell. Instead of the hell he had always believed in, he found a place that reminded him of Central Park in July. Along a shady walk approached several happy looking men, who came up and greeted him. One of the men introduced himself as Bob Ingersoll. "Well, how do you like hell?" said Bob. "I am amazed," replied our dreamer, "to see such a beautiful place." "It is pretty nice now, isn't it," answered Bob sociably. “But you just ought to have seen the place when we got here."

What Bob Ingersoll and his friends did for a dream hell can be done for marriage by almost any ordinary man or woman.

Do I mean man and woman? No. It takes just one to begin the important improvements in the marriage hell — preferably the woman, since she is in charge of the home. But either man or woman can do it.

How can a woman do it? By living her own life according to her own conscience, by adjusting herself to conditions as she finds them, and setting herself to improve them as well as she can without too much friction.

Faith, hope, and kindness remove friction and reveal love.

The difference between hell and heaven is the difference between friction and no friction; between fight and co-operation.

To eliminate friction readjust yourself. This does not mean you are to be a door-mat, or a mush. It means that where you cannot touch your husband pleasantly, you are to touch him not at all. To vibrate with him when you can; when you can't, to go off and vibrate with yourself. And to leave him free to do the same.

Heaven is freedom and kindly co-operation. Hell is bondage and antagonism. And any hell may be transformed into heaven.

What if your husband (or your wife) won't let you be free? But he can't help himself. Here is a hint: Agree when you can; please when you can; never chew the rag. Read him (or her) the Declaration of, Independence if necessary, then shut up and go about your business.

If you keep mum and follow your conscience the Spirit of Truth will illuminate both of you and dissipate the sulks. Truly "the believing wife shall sanctify the husband" — and vice versa.

That is, the wife or husband who believes the Spirit of Truth is real and works for Tightness in both, will hold her tongue in peace. And verily she shall be blessed and her husband with her.

HEAVEN IS ANY PLACE WHERE PEOPLE LIVE CLOSE TOGETHER AND ENJOY EACH OTHER.

Marriage is the school where people live closest and therefore have best opportunity to work out heaven in all its details.

Until human beings are happy in marriage they miss heaven.

The fewer vows a man and wife exchange, the better. Make no promises that you are not absolutely certain you can and will keep without strain. A very tiny promise broken assumes huge proportions.

Subdue yourself, devote yourself with all Good Will to the work which belongs to you; expecting nothing in return. Give love and service, expecting nothing in return beyond what you can get without contending; knowing that love and service are for the lover and server, that they bring their own reward. If you expect things from others you will be disappointed; if you expect nothing from others you will find yourself made happy at every turn by little unexpected attentions and services.

Cultivate the habit of appreciation; lay for chances to say; "Thank you, dearest!" - but never let yourself be fretted because the other party forgets to say it.

Resist not evil; but never mind when the other party resists! Go cheerfully on your way, making your own decisions in your own sphere, and knowing that in due time the other person will leave you free to make your own choices in your own sphere, just as you leave him free to make his choice in his sphere. Forgive trespasses, and smile! So shall your trespasses be forgiven.

Let husband and wife keep on polite terms with each other. Loving kindness covereth the multitude of shortcomings — it does not poke fun at them, or tease. Teasing begins in smiles and ends in galled spots. Avoid the galled spots.

Make it your rule never to get provoked when the other one is provoked. Wait until he is calmed down before you make your answer. Then make it in truth and likewise in gentleness. Make this the light habit of your marriage, and you will find it a talisman against evil.

Last but not by any means least, remember that it always takes two to make a quarrel, and that either one can stop it. By just LETTING GO, and remembering that what you cannot get for yourself, the One Spirit working in and through both will get for you, if you give it a little time. When in doubt, be still until the spirit of love tips you the wink.

Avoid tension as you would a pestilence — let go! So shall patience have her perfect work.

THE GETTING MAD HABIT >

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