CHAPTER 10TO A WIFE WHOSE HUSBAND GETS ON HER NERVES
PRACTICE New Thought and follow your own spiritual leadings in the matter. If I were in your place I would have it all out and decide what it is — no one can tell you but yourself — what it is that your husband does that "saps your vitality." It may be overindulgence in some one thing. It may be only that you keep yourself too busy at housework and see too few outside persons. Think it all over and make up your mind what ought to be done to readjust matters so that you can gain strength and happiness in living. Then if necessary read the not act to your husband and lay down the law as to what you will stand for and what you will not. And among other things let him know that he must respect your desire for New Thought literature, and that you will have it and you will read it when and where you please, and that you will not allow him to interfere with it in any way. Explain to him, if you can, that out of New Thought you gain cheerfulness, and that it helps you to manifest good health. Tell him that it is for your good that you have it, and that you reserve the right to be the judge of that instead of letting him be the judge. Let him know that you consider yourself an individual with a mind of your own and that you are far better able to decide what is best for you than he is. If you have it out with him once and then stand by your decisions you will have no further trouble. From his picture I judge him to be a big bluff, good-hearted fellow, who goes blundering along in his own way until he is pulled up with a sharp turn. It looks to me as if you may have to give him a jolt and make him realize that you are you, and that there are some things that you WILL have because you yourself choose to have them. Among other things be sure that you have plenty of friendly association with other people. Go out to little parties, or go to church sociables, or go to New Thought meetings, or join a woman's club. And get all the fun and pleasure out of them that you can. Do any or all of these things that you like best, but do some of them, with good will and regularity. A woman of forty with no little children must have some social outlet, or she will "go stale," no matter what kind of husband she has. It is quite possible that there is nothing at all the matter except that you do not assert yourself and express yourself when you are in his presence, and that you simply let him dominate you. Quit it! Be yourself and enjoy yourself and him, and if he doesn't like it let him lump it, until he gets tired of it. In other words, recognize his individuality and let him sulk until he realizes that sulking will do him no good. If he chooses to sulk. And at the same time be your own bright, radiant self, no matter what he chooses to do. If you are the right kind of wife, and if you really care for him, and he for you, there is no danger but that after a while you will both find yourselves. The first year or two of married life is hardest because it brings all the readjustments. Just you make up your mind to go through it without taking it so deadly seriously. Insist that your husband give you an allowance of money to be used as you please. It is heathenish for a man to try to prevent a woman from spending a penny of money in the way she wants to spend it. Whatever marriage is in the way of a sacred institution, it should never be less on the material side than a good straight business arrangement between a man and a woman whereby a woman is given her living and some money which is her own, to spend exactly as she pleases. Every man should give his wife an allowance of money to spend in her own way. If I were dependent upon my husband I would make things so hot for him that he would either give me an allowance or leave me.
And above all things, knowing what I know now, I would never marry a man until there was a definite agreement beforehand that he should pay me a certain allowance. I wouldn't marry any man and then be treated on a par lower than any kitchen girl that is hired by the poorest family. Even the most slatternly, good-for-nothing housemaid is paid at least a few dollars a week which she can spend as she chooses. I would have pride enough not to let any man treat me meaner than he would treat a woman of that kind. Just you stiffen your backbone and strike for an efficiency marriage- contract codicil. MAKING LOVE A HABIT OF THOUGHT >
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