CHAPTER 9

HOW TO LIVE WITH A GROUCHER

EMERSON said: "The power men possess to annoy me I give them by a weak curiosity." No one can affect you by his mental attitude if there is nothing in you that corresponds with that attitude. Unless you vibrate, in some degree, with another's mental attitude, it will not and cannot affect you.

Instead of trying to "overcome" conditions as they are, accept them so far as others are concerned, but keep your own attitude right.

Remember, every one has a right to make his own mistakes.

If others enjoy the grouch, let 'em.

Good will is for the one who gives it.

Love is for the lover.

Walt Whitman says in one of his poems that once he was filled with fret because he gave out unrequited love. And yet, he said, out of this unrequited love he had written all his poems.

The same principle is true in the lesser ties of life. Of course we need reciprocity somewhere, but we are sure to get it if we do our part, though we may not always get it as we expect.

If you will let go in thought all desire to have those around you different, and keep your own attitude as near cheerful and bright as possible, you will find things more bearable.

Your own thought world is your kingdom, and you rule it if you will. Concentrate your attention upon the good qualities of those around you and forget the rest. It will bring results within yourself, if nowhere else. You will be surprised to see how you will grow if you will really practice this. Most of the inharmony in families comes because one thinks only of the unpleasant, or what seems to him unpleasant, qualities of another. These unpleasant qualities are dwelt upon and magnified until they blot out everything else.

Do not allow yourself to be hypnotized by the attitude of those around you.

Magnify and glorify good and watch it grow.

Here is a paragraph I came across the other day in the Bhagavad Gita:

"Man, musing on the objects of sense, conceiveth an attachment to these; from attachment ariseth desire; from desire anger cometh forth. From anger proceedeth delusion; from delusion confused memory; from confused memory the destruction of reason; from destruction of reason he perishes.”

"But the disciplined self moving among sense objects with senses free from attraction and repulsion, mastered by the self, goeth to peace."

You are troubled with the same thing that all other humans are troubled with, the only variation being a difference in the particular objects of sense to which you are attached. And maybe there is not so much difference even there- Perhaps your neighbor muses on money, conceives an attachment to it, and then works herself into a state of what she considers righteous indignation because she has less than her share, while you have more. This state of mind moves her to do things that you think are mean and perhaps dishonorable. And at the same time you muse on her treatment of you and you conceive a repulsion from her; from this, anger cometh forth, and delusion and confused memory, and finally destruction of reason and consequent perishment.

The trouble with you both is that you are attached to your own way, and your senses are attracted and repelled by this, and there is a consequent mental fog which obscures or confuses your memory and destroys reason more or less.

And the cure for both of you lies in the "disciplined self" moving among sense objects with senses free from attraction and repulsion, mastered by the self. Thus do you go your way in peace. And peace is the state in which love, or God, flows out and expresses through you.

I know that any human being can discipline his thoughts and feelings — provided he wants to hard enough. The only trouble with you is that it is easier to go on in the old way than to take yourself in hand, discipline your thoughts, command your good will to flow out to your neighbor, and keep on doing this until you are made over into a clean, disciplined self that allows the free flowing of God, love, outward to all things and to all persons.

Don't fool yourself any further on this. It all depends upon whether you WILL do this or not.

TO A WIFE WHOSE HUSBAND GETS ON HER NERVES >

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