Question About Beauty

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Question About Beauty

Question: I am a 27 year old female with dark complexion and not to mention uneven big teeth. My problem is that since childhood I have seen people comparing me to my siblings saying that they have fairer complexion than me, also sometimes people made fun by saying that my parents brought me from somewhere else. At the same time as I have two big teeth I have always listened to rude comments of people calling me rabbit. As a person I am well educated to a masters level and am also married which was a case of love, now I have a daughter too. in general I am very confident as I know I am sensible in all manners e.g. education, intelligence, extra curricular stuff etc. But when it comes to people's rude comments about my complexion or my looks I start thinking about it more deep i.e. how I look and how do I compare myself to others which in a way makes me loose my confidence and I feel scared to face the world the way I am, sometimes I get questions in my mind such as definitely my husband's family might be thinking what he saw in me or what will my daughter say to her friends when they will call me rabbit or dark skinned. Plz help me I have read your articles and feel light in them, and I am sure u gonna be there too to solve my problem. I have never ever discussed these feelings to anyone in my 27 years of life as I always thought people will say oh she is so complexed about her looks. But is not that I am complexed its just that sometimes i totally forget about my looks and happy with it in fact thank to Allah for what He has given to me but when I sometimes come across such negative comments this leads me down and I start thinking rubbish or get really hurt as I don’t say anything about other's looks. Than at the same time my mother always made fun of my looks too which in a manner takes me away from my mother. Plz help for which I shall be very thankful to you and will always pray for You. Thankyou take care...

First Name: Asma

Dear Asma

From what you said, I get a feeling that you are fairly satisfied with yourself and your life. The problem is mostly about what others think about the way you look. I read somewhere that “you don’t see the things as they are but you see them as you are”. When people say something about your looks they are actually consciously or unconsciously projecting their own insecurities (whatever they may be)on you. It has nothing to do with you. What they think or say about you is their own business; their opinion has no power to affect you unless you give them this power.

To feel hurt or not in any situation is your choice, things may happen but you can feel or react in whatever way you choose. Remember the most important thing is how you feel about yourself.

An attractive personality emerges from unconditional love, respect and appreciation that you feel for yourself. I am not saying that outer appearance doesn’t matter because it does. Things that make up the outer appearance are joy, confidence, courage and enthusiasm. When you are excited about life’s endless possibilities your inner light shines outwards and gives you a glow of true beauty which is even felt by others around you.

I think we have standardized beauty. You are perceived to be beautiful if you look a certain way mostly defined by the media. We are constantly trying to imitate what others define as beautiful and losing our own individuality in the process.

I recommend that you make an appreciation journal. Take a few minutes everyday to write down things that you appreciate about yourself. Also pay attention to your thoughts, the way you talk to yourself. Be kind, loving and compassionate. Think about yourself the way you would about someone you love most in the world. Don’t use negative words of another to describe yourself.

When you look in the mirror see the perfect unlimited being that you are. See your body as an outfit that you chose to represent yourself in this life time maybe to realize that you are much more then what your eyes can see. When you began to realize the vastness and beauty of your true nature you will see it being reflected through your physical self.

Accept, love, honour and take good care of your physical body and at the same time always remember that you are much more then what you appear to be. Everyday do at least one thing that is just for you. Spend some quality time with yourself. Get to know you. Join a yoga class, read empowering books , watch uplifting movies or videos. In short do things that make you feel good.

People say many things but it is you who decide what is true for you. Take only the positives and ignore the rest.

Don’t waste your thoughts and energy on petty and insignificant comments. You are beautiful and unique there, is no one else in this world just like you. You don't have to look or do what anyone else thinks you should. You are your own person, be you.

Celebrate your uniqueness. Be who you are and not what others think you should be. Follow your heart and your joy. Let your light shine!!

“You are built not to shrink down to less but to blossom into more” – Anonymous

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